Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection. -Kim Collins
The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing. -Eugene Delacroix
I have always been a bit of a perfectionist, wink wink, as if everyone didn't already know that. The problem in this, is the constant stress I put upon myself and those around me. I do not expect perfection, I know it is impossible. Why do I stress out myself, and others, looking for it? Let me tell you what I have learned about perfection. Those that are unhappy, or uneasy, desire perfection because they think it is what they want. What they really want is to be accepted, relaxed and happy. This is a conundrum of course, because it is the pursuit of acceptance, relaxation and happiness causing the stress by desiring perfection. A majority of the self imposed stress is because of the desire to make things appear perfect to others. Since owning my own business, I have never felt such a powerful stressor to achieve perfection. This is almost always a result of how I respond to the consumer, who is not unlike myself. They too are tired, desiring relaxation and happiness and thus they expect perfection. When perfection is not found they cause themselves and those around them extreme amounts of stress and unhappiness. It is a vicious cycle.
Here is the food for thought. John Brandt, owner of the Brandt Group here in Bozeman, does manager growth training. This is a completely terrifying and self stressing idea. Manager growth? Meaning I get to be told by everyone what my shortfalls are, how I am perceived by others, and how I can improve. Hmmm... would love to pass on that mirror into my soul! Ha! But in reality most of us are keenly aware of our shortcomings and we desire for them to be gone so bad, that in turn we perpetuate WORSE behaviors. There is no easy answer for this growth. The only thing to keep in mind is.
1.) Did I do the best I could and try my hardest in that situation (even if it went badly)?
2.) Did I learn from the experience something to allow me to respond better next time?
3.) What was it about the situation that affected me so deeply?
Number 3 is a killer for me. People constantly say to me "Why are you letting that little thing that someone said bother you so much?" Being a business owner no one understands how it feels to be told something bad, unless you are a business owner yourself. It is like being the mama bear protecting your baby girl from being bullied. This is the same feeling I get when someone is rude, expects perfection, won't allow us to try to fix the situation etc. It is because this business is a baby of mine. I have given up so much of myself, sacrificed time with my family, had financial hardships etc. All to get to where I stand today. Do you think that any business owner wants things to go badly? I most certainly hope not!
This is what John said to me that really hit home. "You are a perfectionist, and you will go crazy expecting perfection that isn't possible. What amount of imperfection can you live with?" Great question, right?! Maybe the waiter is friendly but very, very busy. Instead of being annoyed at how long something is taking, I can focus on the good wine and breathe.... Maybe the next time we are upset about the shortcomings of an experience, it would help if we took notice. What has gone right? Are they trying hard? Is it really busy? Have I communicated my needs in a kind and positive way? Maybe if we all just remember to take a moment, take a deep breath, and focus on the positive (no matter how small) we can all achieve the happiness and relaxation that we desire. Leaving behind the stress of desiring perfection in ourselves, and most importantly in others. Exhale.
